Penny for your thoughts, a pound to know the future.

They say love finds you in the most unexpected places, at the most unexpected time.

I have always disagreed with this. Love, or more loosely put, the happening of an eventual relationship has always been an expected process. It is easy, predictable, and smooth tinged with the uncertainty of the human nexus.

Of late, I have begin to involuntarily memorise the curve of your hands, your favourite food and the three-second pauses before you start your sentences. I have also begin to crave for your presence when you are absent, your absence when you are present. This dichotomy will never leave me. The duality in me that both wants and deters the blossoming of something serious seems to encumber the most serious minds. I can’t help it. I am that girl who gets attached to things but resent it. I downplay everything – more so when they are important things. If possible, I want to live in my hollow shell for all eternity- ever craving, wanting, desiring and delirious from all these wish-washing.

But now. You are here. You appeared. I remain silent and inaudible. Words escape me and for once, I am incapable of thinking when you are around. You mute the noises around me. I like that you don’t demand to know my life stories. I like that you listen when I do. I even like that you silently watch over me as I contemplate life’s non-quintessentials and my emotional-attachment to films we watched. Your ego is not in our way. We converse with two individual minds – rarely disagreeing, always respectful and mindful over the choices we have made and will continue to make. My stubborn streak has been calmed; with you, I am more than just a rebel without a cause, I am not even a rebel anymore. For the first time in a long time, I would put down my travelling shoes just to linger a little longer; I imagine us eating food I care nothing about and talk about little quirks and past glories that we are now desperately filling each other in and then,

I imagine whisking you to my next destination – and that scares me the most, because when I begin to want to travel with you, I begin to want for so much more.

 

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