This year, well every year after schooling years to be exact, is one filled with changes. I sometimes find myself being an unwilling player in the bigger scheme of things; I am too afraid and unsure of myself to step up at times and in others, too eager and “smart” resulting in erroneous judgments that led to an eventual ending of relationships or matters.
Regardless. It is now the end of the year. It is the time where resolutions are rechecked and ticked (or willfully ignored) – perhaps resolutions no longer exists for some of us as we delve deeper into our individual lives and care less about the collective thoughts. What matters anyways? We live in a world where individuals document every thought that is usually rusty rather than golden – to my unfortunate self-esteem, I am amongst them. Yet. Isn’t it wonderful to delve into the public lives of others without a care of being intrusive or rude? After all, you posted it so I am reading it. All’s fair in the plane of the Internet.
I am at the start of my career. I have regarded my first job as obsolete – a good stepping stone into somewhere better so this new job hunt – this next job – will be my second first job. You see, I was given a choice (in a way) recently. Two career paths – two distinctive directions.
One will take me deeper into the world of writing, allowing me to explore the current world as a journalist and experience crunch time for real. The other will bring me into the world behind the front line of art, an entirety on its own that I sometimes love and so despise. And I picked the latter. In all honesty, the decision made my stomach turn. I am deep-seated in fear and unreasonable expectations on the coming days. Regardless, I have chosen and whether I chose well, only time will tell.
2014 will mark the ending of my journey as a copywriter (more of a proposal writer actually) and the beginning of 2015 will mark the start of my career working in an art gallery. I believe it is not all that glamorous (nothing truly is although our minds take the easy way out all the time – how annoying, yes?
So, this post is to remind myself of what transpired today and my conscious but instinctual decision. This post is a solemn note to myself to not screw up this probably once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to kick start my career in an industry that is rarely inclusive and highly competitive, fluid and unstable. And for once (or twice), this is to finally getting what I want at the moment when I want it – regardless of what I might face. At the very least, I loved, I tried and I succeeded.
(alongside my favorite Jambu who has always been there day or night.)